Deep in the process

 November 21, 2021

I have continued to write nearly every day for the last year, at least a few hours a day until lately. A month ago, I got an email from a publishing company who wanted to talk to me about my book. I was completely 'over the moon'! A publishing company?!!! 

That next morning, I was on a conference call with the editor of Atmosphere Press, a small press from the east coast. My stomach was a jangle of nerves and my heart was pounding. I just knew this was my big break! 

After the phone call, a contract immediately arrived in my inbox. This was the first red flag. I read the contract very carefully, then called my friends in the writing and publishing world. Nano Taggert, the editor of a poetry zine, said it raised too many red flags that they wanted me to pay a cost upfront before they started working on it. 

Micah Player, a local illustrator, said it sounded like a vanity press. The kind of publisher who takes any one's writing, and with payments from the writer, turns it into a book. Long story short, it was the same as if I self published. 

My hopes and dreams were dashed. Just like that! I went from visions of my book's cover being on billboards in Times Square, to feeling like a loser that couldn't do any better than signing with a vanity press. A rollercoaster of emotions had me riding the ups and downs of the writing life. 

Very deflated, I deleted the email contract and told Atmosphere, "Thanks, but no thanks." Now, six months later, I am still revising and re-ordering my manuscript, getting it ready for the eyes of an author in Salt Lake City to read and advise. This new step in the process is exciting, yet daunting. To have a published author go through it with a fine- toothed comb feels very vulnerable, yet here we go! 

I'm excited for my writing to grow legs and have a life of its own off my laptop. I'm hopeful I will get good, sound advice with clear, concise ways to improve it. 

With a new year approaching, I'm feeling the urgency to get this project finished. Maybe '22 will be the year. Just like this entire process has been about looking ahead; here's moving forward once again.